Why is it that EVERY time you think you have finally moved on from something.. Its sneaks RIGHT back up to you from behind and knocks you right out of your seat?

I have come a long way this past year. Ive found out about an affair, a child brought of said atcions, seperated from my husband, half reconciled my marriage, completely lost myself, gotten a divorce, moved to a different state, started a new job, had a quarter-life crisis, been virtually stalked and harrassed over the DAMN internet, accused of ruining someones life, had that SAME someone ruin my life and trash my reality, started my very first HEALTHY reletionship, went back to school, got promoted, became a godmother, (twice) became a model, I've been betrayed, cheated on pissed on, snitched on, and hated on, but I am still here damn it.
You ever hear of that saying "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger"? Well, if that is true than as God as my witness I am one bad bitch. I dont know why it has taken me so long, but I am finally ready to start a real life. Be it alone and all by myself, or with the people I love supporting me, either way I will make it. Sometimes I feel as though the odds are against me, and I have lost faith in everyone I know, or that maybe God has just given up on me.
Well, let him. Let everyone. Noone will stand in the way of me and what I need anymore, perhaps that is selfish, but everyone deserves to put themselves first sometimes. It has taken forever, and it could take even longer but dammit I WILL MAKE IT.

When you love someone you have to let them go, its a true test of devotion. If they come back then they love you to. No matter where time takes you, and however far you may drift from eachother, that love and devotion will always be there. When you need them most, they will come back to you. You cant mess with fate, I may not know who or what my fate is anymore.. But it is out there just waiting for me to find it. I used to think I knew my fate, but I am now doubting that. If time heals all wounds, then why do memories last forever? Why is there such a thing as bitterness and regret? How come people seek vengence with a passion that burns hotter than the fiery depths of hell?

Someone the other day asked me if I believe in God. Well, the answer is I dont know. My grandmother is probably turning in her grave as I type, however this is my truth. I like the idea of God, sure. I would like to think that there is such a thing as justice and karma and that people really do get what they deserve, but give me a break... This is goddamn 2007, noone gets what they give. The world simply has no room for that anymore, all we care about is money, that is truly what makes the world go around. Money can make you kill, cheat, steal, marry, lie, it is the root of all evil. Not drugs, not guns. Money. Green goddamned money. I am starting to consider myself a realist, its either that or I am beginning to be jaded. At 22, I am far too young to be that way.

Yet here I sit, with a strange sense of stabilty.. Pouring my heart out into this screen as if it were a window to my soul. When do the good get their just desserts? When do the victimized become the empowered? The poor become the rich? When do the meek inherite the Earth?